


Oh Jealousy You Tripped Me Up

by happylilthought



Series: Chalex Week 2020 [6]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Chalex Week 2020, ChalexWeek2020, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, chalex - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happylilthought/pseuds/happylilthought
Summary: Winston reminisces about Alex as he envies his and Charlie’s relationship. Charlie asks Alex about his relationship with Winston, and starts regretting it once the jealousy builds. Alex reflects on his own jealousy comparing both boys’ confidence to his own. (A mini three-part look at jealousy from Alex, Charlie, and Winston.)Day 6 of Chalex Week 2020: Jealousy
Relationships: Alex Standall & Winston Williams, Alex Standall/Winston Williams, Charlie St. George & Alex Standall, Charlie St. George/Alex Standall
Series: Chalex Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862938
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57
Collections: Chalex Week 2020





	Oh Jealousy You Tripped Me Up

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: This one is shorter than usual since I’m trying to finish the far-too-delayed Chalex Week prompts. I hope you like it nevertheless! I was planning on writing this prompt about Winston and the three-parter idea came to me after binge listening to Troye Sivan all day, and instantly wanted to delve into three of their perspectives. The fic title is from Queen's 'Jealousy'.]

**(Winston’s POV)**

What’s worse? Having your heart broken, or knowing you broke someone else's'? 

I love Alex.  _ Loved _ Alex. He is the kindest person I’ve ever met. This beautiful, complex soul with so much locked inside. I’d like to think I helped him push that door open. I only wish it hadn’t closed on me as a result. 

When I walked into Monet’s and saw the two of them together, Charlie’s hand in his - that tentative attempt at warning me off - I knew I’d lost him for good. 

It was cathartic being with Alex. At first, he was a riddle I wanted to solve, captivated by his intricacy. I wanted more of him, but knew he had a guard up that I might not be able to break. I wasn’t a stranger to dating boys who didn’t want to admit their sexuality. So, it was different with Alex. He didn’t treat me like some inconsequential phase in his life. He saw me as a person, and let me return that favour and show him that there could be more to him that he just wasn’t ready to admit yet.

As much as I introduced Alex to a new world, he did the same for me. It was refreshing to fall in love with someone who at least partially reciprocated my feelings after Monty. Alex was captivating and I should have known I’d get swept under the current. I think that is what hurt the most, to hear that he really did like me and that I’d changed his life but it wasn’t good enough for him to stay. 

I know I’m at fault. I know I made him feel like I was stringing him along all to gain information to get revenge. I can’t deny my motives when I transferred to Liberty, but they dissipated when I fell for Alex. I had never meant to make him feel a pawn in the game, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that. 

The worst part was watching him bloom in front of me only to lose him in the blink of an eye to that golden retriever - puppy dog eyes and determination that wouldn’t quit. I don’t know what Alex sees in him -  _ what he couldn’t see in me _ …

**(Alex and Charlie’s POV)**

The pair of them were cuddled up on Charlie’s couch barely watching the movie playing in the background, Alex resting his head against Charlie’s chest. Charlie’s fingers were carding through Alex’s hair which only made Alex melt into him further, closing his eyes to savor the moment. 

“Can I ask you a question?” 

_ So much for the moment. _

“Mhmm.” Alex muttered, keeping his eyes closed. 

Charlie paused, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. “What did you like about Winston?” 

Alex breathed a sigh, opening his eyes and tilting his head up to meet Charlie’s eyes. “You sure you want to know?” 

_ No. _

Charlie smiled softly, “Only if you’re comfortable telling me.” 

“It’s okay, I can talk about it.” Alex advised, frowning slightly at the memory. He felt like the relationship he had with Winston had always been tainted by its ending, which of course only reminded him of the darkest parts of his life. 

Charlie continued to keep Alex calm with the reassuring touches, staying alert in case there was a change in opinion and Alex wasn’t ready to discuss the matter. It had been a few months since they’d started dating, and Charlie was always curious to know more about his boyfriend.

“He was mesmerizing. Confident and maybe a little cocky, but I liked that. I liked being around him, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, I wanted to be that brave, that certain in what I wanted. I liked having my own secret - my own escape from the flashbacks and guilt; Winston was a welcomed distraction.” Alex admitted, feeling Charlie’s fingers slow and rest in his hair.

Charlie frowned at the mention of Alex’s self-consciousness. He didn’t like it when Alex made himself smaller, and refused to recognize his own worth. Alex had improved on that bad habit lately, but the reminders just made Charlie’s chest tighten in compassion.

Alex continued, his gaze shifting towards the television screen despite the fact he wasn’t watching the movie. “He seemed genuine, and wanted to listen to me...It felt uncomfortable at first to open up to him - I started questioning why I was trusting him, why I was wanting to spend more time with him, why I was hiding it from everyone.” Alex admitted, scoffing at the closeted reminder. “There weren’t any pressures with Winston. He mostly let me take things at my own pace, and genuinely wanted to be around me. His intentions were pretty obvious, and as nervous as I was, I wanted to let myself act on my own impulses. I enjoyed his company, and wanted to learn why he was so sure of his feelings because I definitely wasn’t.” He confessed, recognizing his own growth. 

By no means had Alex chosen a label, but it wasn’t a secret that the both he and Charlie were dating. “I guess I like that confidence quality in partners. Maybe because I’m still gaining my own self-confidence so I lean on theirs for support? I’ve always been jealous of confident people. How do you just know who you are? How do you just exude that boldness?” 

Charlie smiled gently, “Some people are born with confidence, and some people build it up over time.” It was nice to be reminded that Alex appreciated him, but he still wished Alex could feel more at peace with himself.

“You really just wanted to use that ‘greatness thrust upon them’ quote, didn’t you?” Alex teased, earning a grin in reply. 

“Uh, you were saying?” Charlie rekindled the conversation back to its original topic. 

"We started hanging out more, actually went bowling which I was surprisingly good at?" Alex smiled proudly at the memory. "He was funny, and made me question a lot of what I was used to, and I was starting to really like him.” Alex paused, noticing the grip Charlie had on his back. “Of course I was nervous about that and had been adamant that I wasn't gay, so, I guess I got caught up in the moment, but I ended up kissing him."

Charlie knew he shouldn't be surprised they'd kissed, but he still felt like his eyes were going to explode out his head. _Alex had kissed Winston first?_ He felt his ears getting warm, reddening with envy. 

Alex shifted on his side and took Charlie’s hand and held it in his own palm. “You were different, it wasn’t an instant infatuation, I learned to love you when I saw how much you admired me. That sounds selfish, and probably is.” He frowned, accepting responsibility for his actions. “Charlie, I didn’t accept your feelings until there was a threat that I might lose you. The riot was the turning point - my realization that I couldn’t afford to lose you.  _ Ever.”  _

Alex squeezed his hand, earning a small smile from his boyfriend. He leaned in to press a kiss to Charlie’s lips. “I love you.” And it was true, Charlie had tilted his whole world around. He was happier than he’d ever been, and had stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. He liked his new life, and was honestly a little sad that it was about to change soon when he’d leave for Berkeley.

“I love you, too.” Charlie smiled softly, swallowing back some worries. 

_ Alex was his. He had nothing to worry about...Except that nagging voice in the back of his mind that compared himself to Winston, and Zach, and Jessica. _

“I know that you stopped liking him because of the whole questioning-his-motives thing, but if that wasn’t a factor, would you have stayed with him?” Charlie asked, mentally preparing himself for the answer. 

Alex kept his hand steady in Charlie’s, looking back at his boyfriend’s blue eyes and noticing the uncertainty in them. “I can’t give you a straightforward answer. I really did like him, which was why it was such a shock to learn he might have just been playing me out of revenge.” He shrugged, lowering his gaze at the memory. If his dad hadn't been on that camping trip, he wasn’t sure how he wouldn’t have let all the emotions get to him.

Charlie nodded, sympathizing with the revelation. “Part of me is sorry you didn’t get the chance to see where that relationship could have gone without the drama. But, I didn’t really like him that much, so.” 

Alex smirked, “So you’re glad it didn’t work because then you got your chance.” 

Charlie grinned, “Guilty as charged, Officer.” 

“I am, too. I was pretty oblivious to your intentions.” Alex confessed. “How I went an entire summer not seeing the signs definitely annoyed Tyler, apparently.” 

Charlie smiled, “Tyler was the one who called me out. I had crossed the friendzone far too many times, and we finally had a conversation about it. He was the first person,  _ only person _ , I told about liking you.” 

“Really?” Alex asked, “He didn’t tell me that.” 

“Scouts honour.” Charlie teased, crossing his fingers on his free hand.

Alex smiled softly, and let his hand drop from Charlie’s to slide his palm behind his neck, leaning in to kiss him. Charlie returned it gently, hoping that the physical actions would block out the thoughts in his mind. Alex noticed.

“Are you okay, babe?” 

_ Not really. _

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Charlie replied, flashing a smile. 

_ “Charlie.”  _ Alex’s voice was stern, his thumb rubbing against the stubble on Charlie’s jawline. “Don’t lie to me.” 

“I’m just a little self-conscious sometimes… I wonder if I’m enough for you. I’m not Jessica, and definitely not Zach, so to learn more about Winston… It’s making me both paranoid and jealous.” Charlie confessed, softly stroking Alex’s back. 

“It’s a good thing you’re not them, Charles. I love you for who  _ you _ are, even if it’s pretty flawless.” Alex smirked, earning a tiny blush from his boyfriend. “You are this kind, loyal, compassionate friend who I trust completely, and have fallen in love with. I can see a future with us, and that’s why we’re going to make this long distance relationship work. You have nothing to worry about.” He reassured, pressing another kiss to Charlie’s lips. 

“I’ll try my best.” Charlie admitted, returning the kiss. 

“About that jealousy, though?” Alex inquired with a furrowed brow. “What are you jealous of?” 

Charlie blushed, feeling his ears redden again. “Well, Ani had mentioned she saw you and Winston making out at the dance, and I know you were originally going to sleep in his tent on the camping trip…” 

“Charlie, we just kissed. You and I have done more than that. You don’t have to worry about him.” Alex explained, resting his hand against the nape of Charlie’s neck.

“I know, I guess it’s just different to think about what you’re like in other relationships - It’s hard not to compare yourself to that.” He admitted, biting his lip before continuing. “When I saw him walk into Monet’s… I wondered if he was asking you back… And if you were going to say yes.” 

“What? No! Of course I wouldn’t have. I was - am - dating you.” Alex protested, frowning at the idea. “Charlie, you’ve never mentioned that before.” 

He shrugged, “Not my proudest moment.” His gaze shifted to the television, avoiding Alex’s eyes. “I just didn’t trust him… Had been staring him down like a hawk through the window… That’s kind of what it looked like, and I didn’t want to come off too strong, so I acted like it was fine when you came back, because you did come back, to me.” 

“You’ve been holding onto this for a while, then.” Alex noted, watching Charlie sink into the couch. 

“Was never a good time.” He muttered quietly. 

Alex had noticed Charlie’s demeanour change as he attempted to shrink himself smaller into the fabric couch. It seemed out of character, and Alex was cautious about how to approach the topic. 

“We can talk about it now.” Alex suggested, shifting off of Charlie’s stomach to sit on the end of the couch instead and force Charlie out of the slump. 

“I couldn’t lose you to him. Not again.” Charlie confessed, exhaling slowly, sitting on the opposite side of the couch and started chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Hey, you didn’t. You’re not going to.” Alex reassured, reaching out his hand towards Charlie’s lap. 

Charlie accepted the gesture, taking Alex’s hand gently. “I’m sorry… s’stupid.” 

“No it isn’t. That’s how you felt. You shouldn’t apologize for how you feel.” Alex reminded him, lacing his fingers with Charlie’s.

“I just didn’t get what you saw in him, and why you didn’t notice me earlier.” Charlie admitted, “So when things didn’t get a proper ending, I wondered if you’d choose him over me, and I really didn’t understand his appeal.” 

“You really didn’t like him.” Alex snorted, shaking his head. “I was in denial about being interested in guys, and Winston helped me see it wasn’t a bad thing. If I hadn't been with him, I might not have reciprocated that kiss with you.” 

Charlie scoffed. “That boy didn’t do me any favours. He broke your heart. That’s reason enough for me not to like him.” 

Alex smiled softly, “This jealous side of you is slightly endearing.” 

“Hopefully you won’t see much more of it.” Charlie teased, “Just don’t go falling for anymore hot moody boys while you’re at college.” 

Alex smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Hot? So you did think Winston was hot.” 

“I refuse to answer that.” 


End file.
